Riddles and jokes for a spring day in May

I don't know about you, but I really need something to distract me from all the news about Putin and Ukraine, the Middle East and Donald Trump (the most dangerous man in the world).  By the way, dictators and authoritarians lack a sense of humour.  They can's laugh at themselves.  Trump is a perfect example.  That's why he refused to attend the White House Correspondent's' Dinner during his time in the Oval Office.  He just couldn't take being the butt of jokes in the 2011 dinner by then-President Barack Obama and comedian Seth Myers.  In contrast, Obama is able to joke about his big ears and his shortcomings.  Can you imagine Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin or Putin poking fun at themselves?  

So, since I believe in the old adage that laughter is the best medicine, here are some riddles and jokes for a spring day.

A 103-year-old-man was asked what was so great about being 103.

He replied, "There's no peer pressure."

What can go through a window, but doesn't break it?

Answer: Sunlight

What do you call two physicians in a cab?

Answer: A paradox

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

Answer: A promise

What breaks, yet never falls, and what falls, yet never breaks?

Answer: Day and night

You see a boat filled with people, but there isn't a single person aboard.  How is that possible?

Answer: All the people on the boat are married.

What can you keep after giving it to someone?

Answer: Your word

What has a neck but no head?

Answer: A bottle

I have no life, but I can die.  What am I?

Answer: A battery

What do you call a pony with a cough?

Answer: A little horse.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?  I don't know but the flag is a big plus.

A woman in labour suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't!  Wouldn't!  Couldn't!  Didn't!  Can't!

"Don't worry," said the doctor.  "Those are just contractions."

Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

- Compiled by Joanne

Atkins has got to go

Ross Atkins

“I think it has been overall frustration.  There wasn’t one guy who was more frustrated than anybody else. I think it was (the recognition) from everybody that something’s got to change. If we keep doing this (a tear-down will happen.) Nobody here wants that. If that were to happen, I think that would be the greatest regret for all of us.”

- Kevin Gausman 

Pitcher Kevin Gausman addressed the current struggles of the 2024 Toronto Blue Jays.  Yesterday the Jays were defeated 5-0 by the woeful Chilcago White Sox.  They could only muster two hits and they were booed by fans.  The White Sox are celllar dwellers in the American League Central, while the Jays are currently in last place in the much tougher AL East.  

Kevin Gausman

The Blue Jays have a dismal 21-26 record and are 10.5 games back of the division leading New York Yankees.  Their winning percentage is a mere .447.  I find it difficult to be optimistic about this team.  The fact is, they are just not good enough.  They are not consistent and they are not hitting.  Gausman said that "something's got to change."  It sure does.  Here's what needs to change.  Frankly, Ross Atkins has got to go.  As GM, he has to accept responsibility for the dismal performance of the team this season and their lack of success in the playoffs.

Atkins is the general manager.  He did little to improve the team during the off season.  Yes, the Jays made a fruitless attempt to acquire Shohei Ohtani, and they were used as a pawns.  Ohtani always intended to sign with the Los Angeles Dodgers.  When the Jays failed to land him, they didn't seem to try very hard to find another slugger.  Atkins knew the Jays needed some more hitters, but he failed to do the job.  Instead, he counted on Vladdy and Bo to have better seasons.  That hasn't happened.  They are coming around somewhat, but not enough.

Atkins has been preaching patience, but o be blunt, I really don't think the Jays cam turn things around.  They are not good enough to be contenders, and I don't think they can catch New York and Baltimore.  It's Atkins' team, and it just not good enough.  It was Atkins' decision to trade Gabriel Mareno and build an unbalanced squad with some good defence and not nearly enough offence.  It's time Atkins accepted responsibility for that.  Firing John Schneider and making him the fall guy, won't fix the problem.

I don't think the answer is to tear everything down, but there has to be a change in direction.  2024 appears to be a lost season for the Blue Jays.  The team needs to move in a new direction, beginning with a new general manager.

- Joanne

The choice in the November 5th election

This message is for American voters who are undecided about their choice for president on November 5th.  It's not really a choice between Biden and Trump. It's a choice between democracy and autocracy. Trump does not believe in democracy. He does not believe in the rule of law.  He will only accept the result of an election if he wins.

Please keep the following  in mind:

In his 2020 debate with Joe Biden, Trump refused to condemn white supremacy.  

Trump treats women like objects.  He bragged that he could do whatever he wants with women because he's rich and famous.  A jury verdict in May 2023 found Trump liable for sexually abusing and defaming writer E. Jean Carroll.

On January 6, 2020, Trump and his mob of far-right zealots tried to overturn the democratically elected government of the United States.  It was a violent insurrection.  However, Trump and the far-right have called the insurrectionists "hostages."  I watched with my own eyes that day.  Those criminals were ready to hang Mike Pence, the Vice President of the United States, because he wouldn't do Trump's bidding.

If he wins the election, Trump will help his pal, Vladimir Putin, take over Ukraine.  This will embolden Putin and he will attack other countries.  Don't forget what Hitler did!

Trump will give tax breaks to billionaires.

Trump will make climate change worse.

Please vote for Joe Biden if you want to preserve democracy in America.  Donald Trump does not belong anywhere near the White House.  If he wins, the 2024 presidential election may well be the last free one in American history.  Are Americans so foolish and brainwashed by social media, right-wing conspirators and Fox News that they would give up their democratic freedoms for the cult of Donald Trump.?  Democracy must be nurtured and protected or it dies.  Don't forget what happened to Germany in the 1930s.

- Joanne

Sheldon Keefe firing: He was a sacrificial lamb

Sheldon Keefe

Sheldon Keefe did not really deserve to be fired.  The Toronto Maple Leafs decided that someone had to take the heat for their usual early exit from the playoffs.  That someone was Sheldon Keefe.  With the exception of the first game of the Boston series, the Leafs acquitted themselves fairly well against the Bruins.  They were not completely outplayed by Boston.  They did not choke.  It wasn't entirely Keefe's fault that they ultimately lost the series early in the first overtime period of the seventh and deciding game.

Some may argue that Sheldon Keefe had his chance and didn't succeed.  He failed to coach the Leafs to any real playoff success.  Keefe was gracious in the wake of his firing.  He accepted responsibility for the teams inability to get past the first round of the 2024 playoffs.  "I didn't get the job done in the playoffs," he said.  "I didn't help push our team over the line and deliver.  I accept responsibility for that.  No excuses.  That's the job.  I didn't get it done.  It's the reality of the business and I accept it."

In the Age of Trump, it's refreshing to hear someone accept responsibility (Ross Atkins, the Blue Jays' GM, should do more of that).  However, the Leafs' failure to advance in the playoffs should not rest squarely on Keefe's shoulders.  That's not fair.  Surely Brendan Shanahan, the team's president and Brad Treliving, the team's general manager, share some of the blame, as well as certain players.  There was also some pure bad luck, such as injuries to William Nylander, Auston Matthews and Joseph Woll.  Let's be honest though, when push came to shove, the Leafs were not quite good enough to defeat the Boston Bruins.  A championship team should be able to overcome injury and adversity.

When Brendan Shanahan retuned to T.O, in 2014, he came up with a plan, the so-called ShanaPlan.  He was going to end a Stanley Cup drought for the Leafs that goes back to 1967.  Shanahan, a hometown boy from Mimico, Ontario, intended to bring the Cup back to Toronto.  There was going to be a parade along Yonge Street and Leaf fans dreamed of captain John Tavares, another hometown boy, hoisting Lord Stanley's Jug.  It hasn't happened,  In the decade since Shanahan's arrival, the team has failed miserably in the playoffs, only getting past the first round in 2023.

Brendan Shanahan

Shanahan became convinced that the Leafs could win with their celebrated Core Four, consisting of Auston Matthews, Mitch Marner, John Tavares and William Nylander.  Ten years later, after another first-round defeat at the hands of the Boston Bruins, Leaf Nation is disappointed, distraught and absolutely frustrated.  The Leafs have performed well in the regular season, but have never gotten the job done in the playoffs.  It seems obvious to almost everyone but Shanahan that the Core Four can never succeed in postseason play.

Due to the high salaries of the Core Four, the Leafs don't have a balanced team.  They lack a great goalie and a really strong defence, two major ingredients for contending in the playoffs.  Granted, it's extremely difficult to win the Stanley Cup.  The path to victory is long and gruelling.  There are now 32 teams in the NHL.  When the Leafs last won the Cup in 1967, there were only six teams.  Instead of a one in six chance of winning the championship, the Leafs now have a one in 32 chance. There are too many teams and the playoffs drag on far too long.  I understand that the NHL is a business, but the integrity of the game should still count for something.  

I am a Baby Boomer.  I was a child when the Leafs won the Cup in 1967, Canada's centennial year.  I wonder if I will ever see them do it again in my lifetime.  I will be greatly satisfied, however, if the Edmonton Oilers or the Vancouver Canucks triumph this year.  No Canadian-based team has brought home hockey's most coveted trophy since 1993, when the Montreal Canadiens were victorious.  Oh yes, while I'm up on my soapbox, I have to question why there isn't an NHL team in Quebec City, which has a beautiful new arena.  By the way, I an not talking about an expansion team.  I mean that Quebec City could replace a struggling team in the Eastern Conference, possibly the Columbus Blue Jackets; but I digress.  

That's a discussion for another day.  Let's turn our attention back to the Toronto Maple Leafs and Sheldon Keefe.  As Rosie DiManno of the Toronto Star so eloquently put it, "Keefe is the fall guy for a much broader and graver dearth of internal resolve on the team, a cultural hurdle they haven't been able to clear.  A scapegoat because that's what the franchise requires at this moment - excising a blighted part."

After a decade, it's time to admit that the ShanaPlan hasn't worked.  It's time to break up the Core Four and move on.  It would be wiser to build a team more suited to the playoffs.

- Joanne

Summer reading suggestion

If you are looking for a novel to read during those lazy, hazy days of summer, may I suggest The Missing Reporter, written by yours truly.  

Just click on this link to my author's page.

www.joannemadden.ca

 

THE MISSING REPORTER

The Missing Reporter is a novel of intrigue and mystery set in 1989. What really happened to TV crime reporter Sandra McKay? Why did she suddenly vanish after starting a new job? 

Is her disappearance linked to the death of prominent dental surgeon Lawrence Somerville, whose brother works for a mob boss? Intrepid private detective Norm Trapper is on the case and he is looking for the answers.

Your support is much appreciated.  I am currently working on my third novel, a sequel to The Missing Reporter.

Thank you,

Joanne

Willie Mays at 93

"I just felt baseball was a beautiful game, especially at night. The sun -- I mean, you had the lights out there and all you do is go out there, and you're out there by yourself in center field, and it's just a beautiful game. And, I just felt that it was such a beautiful game that I just wanted to play it forever, you know."

- Willie Mays 

Academy of Achievement Interview, February 19, 1996

Yesterday, May 6tth, was the birthday of the great Willie Mays.  "The Say Hey Kid" turned 93 years old.  I always remember Willie's birthday because my late father was also born on May 6th.  I hope Willie enjoyed his special day and I wish him all the best.  By the way, there are different stories as to how Willie acquired his nickname "Say Hey Kid,"  According to New York Journal sportswriter Barney Kremenko, Willie, who was generally known as a quiet man, "would blurt 'Say who, 'Say what, 'Say hey.'  In my paper, I tabbed him the 'Say Hey Kid.' (in 1951), It stuck."  However, Willie's family, friends and later his teammates, fondly referred to him as "Buck."

Willie Howard Mays, Jr. was born on May 6, 1931 in Westfield, Alabama, a predominately Black company town. near Birmingham.  It's no wonder that Willie was such a good all-round athlete. His father, Willie Sr, a steelworker, was known as "Cat" Mays because of his quickness.  Cat Mays was aa talented baseball player with the Black team in the semi-pro Birmingham industrial league at the local iron plant.  Willie's mother, Annie Satterwhite, was a high school track star 

Willie appeared in his first major league game for the National League's New York Giants on May 25, 1951 at the age of 20.  Willie's Giants played the New York Yankees in a Subway Series that year.  The '51 series also featured two of the most flamboyant managers in baseball, Casey Stengel of the Yankees and Leo Durocher of the Giants.  Willie played centrefield for the Giants, but the Yankees, with Joe DiMaggio and Mickey Mantle defeated the Giants in six games.  Willie was later named National League Rookie of the Year for 1951. 

After the 1951 season, Willie Mays was drafted by the United States Army to serve in the Korean War., but he still played the first few weeks of the 1952 season with the Giants.  On March 1, 1954, Willie was discharged from military service.  He reported to the Giants' training camp the very next day.  Willie was on fire during the 1954 season.  He led the league with a .345 batting average, and slammed 41 home runs.   The Giants went on to win the World Series that year, the only time in his career that Willie received a World Series ring.  He was also chosen the National League's Most Valuable Player.in 1954.

The highlight of Willie's career, and one of the most memorable moments in baseball history, occurred that 1954 World Series against Cleveland.  In Game One at the Polo Grounds in New York, Willie performed an amazing athletic feat known as "The Catch."  In the eighth inning, he made an incredible off the shoulder running catch of a Vince Wertz fly ball.  With his back turned away from the infield, Willie caught Wertz's long shot near the outfield wall. That catch preserved a 2-2 tie, and the game went into extra innings.  The New York Giants scored three more runs in the tenth inning to win the game 5-2.  They defeated Cleveland in the next three games and swept the Series in four games straight.

Willie in 1954

Willie continued to play well during the 1955, 1956 and 1957 seasons in New York.  He hit 36 home runs and stole 40 bases in 1956.  In 1957, he won the first of his 12 consecutive Gold Gloves.  Low attendance and a desire for a new stadium prompted the New York Giants to move to San Francisco after the 1957 season.  During Willie's first season in San Francisco, he led recorded an impressive .357 batting average.  

The Giants made Willie the highest paid player in baseball, with a contract of $750,000 for 1959.  He was named team captain prior to the 1960 season.  The Giants captured the National League Pennant in 1962, but were defeated in the World Series by the New York Yankees.  In 1965, Willie won his second MVP award and hit a career high 52 homers.  Four years later, in September of 1969, he smashed his 600th homer.  Willie spent over 14 seasons in the City by The Bay, where he became a fixture.

In 1972, 41-year-old Willie Mays returned to New York when San Francisco traded him to the Mets for pitcher Charlie Wilson and $50.000.  Willie received criticism for continue to play when he was over 40 and obviously past his prime, but he defended his decision to keep playing.  He said, "You know, a lot of people said when I was 40, I should quit, but I don't think so.  You should play as long as you can and as long as you enjoy the game.  In '73, I wasn't enjoying the game.  I retired and they wouldn't let me retire.  So I finished up in the World Series"

In 1973, Willie Mays played in his fourth and final World Series as his Mets challenged the Oakland A's, but the A's prevailed over the Mets in seven games.  Willie played in three games and had a batting average of .286, with 2 hits in 7 at-bats 

Willie finished his playing career in 1973 with a batting average of .302, 660 home runs, and 1,903 RBI.  He stole 338 bases.

END NOTES

* On October 3, 1951, Willie Mays was in the on-deck circle when Bobby Thomson hit "the shot heard round the word."  With Thomson's home run, the Giants defeated the Brooklyn Dodgers to win the National League pennant, although they lost to the Yankees in the World Series.

* Willie has been married twice. In 1956, he married Marghuerite Wendell Chapman (1926-2010).  In 1959, the couple adopted a baby named Michael.  They separated in 1962 and divorced in 1963.  Eight years later, in 1971, he wed Mae Louise Allen, a San Francisco child-welfare worker.  In 1997, Mae was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.  Willie cared for her until her passing on April 19, 2013.

* In January of 1970, Sporting News named Willie Mays  the 1960s "Player of the Decade."

* Willie was elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame in 1979, his first year of eligibility with 95% of the votes cast.

*Willie played in 24 All-Star games.

* The San Francisco Giants retired Willie's Number 24.

* In 2015, former President Barack Obama presented Willie with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

* Since 2020, Willie has lived in Atherton, California with his personal assistant.  He suffers from glaucoma.

-  Joanne  

Editors Update: Willie Mays died on June 18, 2024 at the age of 93.  He passed away in Palo Alto, California.  Here is a statement from Willie's son, Michael.

“My father has passed away peacefully and among loved ones,” said Michael Mays. “I want to thank you all from the bottom of my broken heart for the unwavering love you have shown him over the years. You have been his life’s blood.”

To my American friends

 Dear American friends,

Today is May 5th.  Your presidential election is six months from today.  I sit here in Canada very concerned about my good neighbours to the south.  Many of you are not pleased with the presumptive presidential candidates.  You are not happy with the choice between Joe Biden and Donald Trump.  Some of you will express your displeasure by not bothering to vote.  Others will search for an alternative, a third candidate.  

Words can't express how important it is that you vote.  It is not an exaggeration to say that this is the most consequential election in American history.  Even if you don't like the Biden or Trump, you should vote.  Here's why.  This is not really an election between those two men.  On November 5, 2024, you will choose between democracy and autocracy.  Do you really not want to vote when democracy itself is on the ballot?  Make no mistake, if Donald Trump regains the presidency, the United States will no longer be a democracy.  Trump and his Republican cohorts do not believe in the rule of law.  They seek raw power, pure and simple.  

Do not forget that on January 6, 2021,  Trump's right-wing mob attacked the Capitol Building and attempted to overturn the legitimate results of the 2020 election, which Trump lost to Biden fair and square.  Trump has never accepted his defeat. He will not accept any result in which he is not declared the winner.

Joe Biden may not be the perfect candidate, but he is a decent man.  Unlike Donald Trump, Biden believes in democracy.  Donald Trump does not.  So, even if you don't care much for Joe Biden, don't stand back and let Trump destroy American democracy.  He and his supporters are trying to destroy your faith in your democratic institutions.  If you don't believe democracy matters, try living in a totalitarian state.  

Don't say it can't happen in America.  Just study the history of Hitler's rise to power in a cultured country like Germany.  In November, the decision is not in my hands.  The decision is in the hands of you, the American voter.  On November 5, 2024, will you choose democracy or dictatorship?  Will an authoritarian state be your legacy to your children and to future generations?  What a tragedy for humanity if we have to go down that road again.

Sincerely,

- Joanne, a concerned Canadian